The Call

Back in February, I read Read650’s latest submission call and felt as though it had been written just for me. They were looking for stories of resilience and hope, focusing on the arts and the power of creative expression to heal. Even better, the call was for a collaboration with the Carnegie Hall “Voices of Hope” festival. Carnegie Hall! As a classically-trained musician, playing there was always the dream. I’ve watched my husband perform there with the University of Michigan wind ensemble; I’ve even watched my district’s high school wind ensemble, including many of my former students, take the stage. But despite the “practice, practice, practice” punchline of that old joke, I’d never gotten to Carnegie Hall. Now I had the chance– not through music, but through writing.

Unexpected Block

The problem was that the last piece I wrote and performed for Read650, “The Band Room,” fit the current submission call perfectly: it’s about resilience and hope found through performing music with my high school band. Of course, I couldn’t re-submit that exact essay, but it felt like I’d already created the exact thing I was now attempting afresh. And because of that, I experienced unexpected writing block. How could I write something as good as “The Band Room” on the exact same topic? Did I have another story in me that was like it?

The deadline was only a few weeks away; I had to get started, but I kept grasping at straws. I tried drafts and outlines that went nowhere. I started writing about having cancer again, but it felt too similar to work I’d done before. I wanted something fresh, something that had happened more recently. I wanted something pandemic-related.

The Process

I kept trying and failing. I had nothing I could work with. At this point, normally, I’d give myself permission to stop. “Another submission call will come around,” I’d tell myself. But this was too important, too perfect for me. I knew I’d regret it if I didn’t keep pushing.

So every night for a week, I kept coming back to those failed ideas. I’d go to sleep thinking about the essay, drive to errands thinking about the essay, cook dinner thinking about the essay. I kept failing, and I kept trying. And finally, the desperate search for inspiration gave me the germ of an idea.

The Story

A very short personal essay should describe a moment in time that represents something much bigger. I found my moment when I read through my journals, looking for inspiration, and landed on the entry, “Today would have been the Beekman Fourth Grade Spring Concert.” All last spring, it was as though a shadow year was happening just out of reach; an alternate universe in which concerts were performed and graduations celebrated. I felt that loss so strongly on the day of the concert-that-would-have-been. Later that morning, I did something to help myself heal from that loss, something that hopefully helped my students too: I played a song for them, a lament. That moment in time was what I finally ended up writing about.

The Conclusion

At that point, I only had about six days left. I wrote a draft every day. By day six, it felt ready to submit. And, miracle of miracles, it was accepted! Even though I’ve been accepted to Read650’s programs before, I’m always incredibly honored to be among the other writers reading their work. In golf, they say you should play with people who are better than you. Read650 is that for me. I’m lucky to be allowed on the green, let alone get an equal shot.

Why did I write this post? I wanted to show that writing doesn’t always come easy for me. Sometimes, yes, I get a jolt of inspiration and enough time to hone it. But other times, there’s insufficient time and poor ideas. It’s only determined persistence that keeps me going, along with a little bit of luck.

My 650-word spoken essay, “Over the Rainbow,” will be airing on Friday, April 30, the final night of Carnegie Hall’s “Voices of Hope” festival. Tune into Audible, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Amazon, or IHeart Radio, or go to the events page at Read650.org to hear the program. Please give it a listen, and let me know what you think here or on social media.