Last Monday, my 15 month old daughter went in for surgery on her kidneys and bladder. They told us it would take 4-5 hours; we ended up waiting for more than 7. There were periodic calls from inside the OR, assuring us that everything was going well, but it was still an agonizing time.

I expected to be a wreck. I was a wreck, just a few days before (I wrote about that experience in February’s Perspective Post newsletter). But, funnily enough, I was reasonably calm during the 7-hour wait. Impatient, but calm. Nervous, but calm.

I attribute this calm almost entirely to my newfound meditation practice.

The Rocky Start

I didn’t get off to the best start with meditation. In spring 2015, I downloaded the Headspace app and tried the 10 free starter sessions of 10 minutes each. I struggled with it. My brain seemed to come even more alive as I sat there, trying to ignore the itch on my leg or the sounds from outside the room. But I managed to finish the starter pack of ten (though it took longer than ten days) and signed up for the full version of the app. Then Headspace encouraged me to do a pack of 20 minute sessions, and after a few excruciating attempts, I threw in the towel.

But I kept reading about the benefits of meditation, that it helps with anxiety, stress, lack of sleep and even weight loss. I found myself savoring the last ten minutes of yoga class, where we meditated in corpse pose. Over the next year, I tried meditation in many different forms: with guidance and without, for 3 minutes or 15. I began to experience moments when my mind could be still, and I almost felt something akin to transcendence. I started to understand what meditation could truly do for me, if I practiced and improved.

The Breakthrough

I decided to give Headspace another try. I was pleasantly surprised to find that while I’d been away from the app, it had expanded, and now there were many more options for themed meditation on everything from sleep to focus to gratitude. Most importantly, I could choose how long I wanted each session to be. I started the Creativity track, and though the first several times were difficult, I felt the pull to persevere. And then, one day, something amazing happened. The image that the narrator had me conjure began to change, all on its own. I watched in fascination as my mind created something beautiful, blossoming without my intentional intervention. That day, I finally experienced the gifts of meditation, and I began looking forward to my daily habit.

The Routine

Since the start of this school year, I’ve been meditating every day at work for 5 minutes (occasionally 10) at lunch time. This is about all the time I can manage, but I’ve found it to be beneficial even in small increments. I always use Headspace, and I often do the “daily mini” that changes theme each day. I’ve learned that guided meditation is MUCH easier with a pair of good headphones. With my Beats on, I feel more isolated from the world, and more comfortable in case someone walks in on me. (I’m a music teacher, after all; I can just pretend to be listening to music with my eyes closed.)

The Reward

5 minutes a day is not much. But I’ve still improved with daily practice, and I now feel capable of stopping and dismissing a negative train of thought, and staying more mindfully present throughout the day. I’m better able to manage episodes of stress and anxiety, and I can take a more pragmatic perspective of my thoughts and feelings.

On the day of my daughter’s surgery, as we waited, I put on my headphones and clicked on Headspace. I did a 10 minute meditation. I felt calm. I felt centered. I felt almost transcendent. Most importantly, I made it through her 7 hour surgery.

What’s your experience with meditation?