As most of you gathered from my last post— and newsletter subscribers have been getting even more content on this– I’m been having a tough winter. I’m burned out, occasionally anxious, often depressed. I’m still functioning, but struggling.
Why? Well, because I’m a public school teacher and a mother of two young children, both of which are intense caregiving roles. I read a quote recently– I wish I could remember the source– that empathy takes an enormous amount of energy. I thought, oh man, that’s why I’m exhausted all the time. My empathy radar is constantly re-tuning and re-adjusting to the 150 kids I teach and my family at home. Empathy is a strength of mine, and that’s a wonderful gift– for my students and my kids. But for me, it’s draining. This doesn’t mean I stop doing it. But during long stretches without a break– like this winter, for instance– it means I can get burned out, anxious, depressed, and in critical need of repair.
So I’ve tried a few things this week.
First, I tried not keeping a to-do list, in the hopes it would mute my perfectionist tendencies. This sounded like a good idea at the time, but it didn’t work. It just made me more stressed about the things I couldn’t remember if I had to do. I’m back to lists this week, but I decided to take the month of March to experiment with how I do my planning– scaling back, tracking less, taking things off my plate.
Second, I tried taking a tech sabbath. This is something I’ve wanted to do for awhile but it didn’t feel feasible until we moved and got a landline. Now I can text my husband, parents, and mother-in-law that I’ll be offline for a few hours but if they need me, they can call the house phone. I started with Saturday afternoon for about 4 hours. For the first hour, I did get that urge to check my phone, but the temptation died down fairly quickly and I felt relieved to be untethered. I’m hoping to expand this idea into Friday evenings and Saturday afternoon/evening (Saturday mornings I’m typically out with the kids, so I need my phone with me).
Third, for the first time ever, I tried CBD. I drank a CBD-infused tea (Harney & Sons CBD chamomile mint). It did nothing for me. I thought it would relax me, maybe help me sleep. Nope. I actually had more trouble falling asleep that night. But it did taste good!
The only thing that really helped this week was this: I extended some empathy to myself.
When I was tired, I slept extra, and didn’t berate myself for missing a workout.
When I was antsy, I took a walk or did some stretching.
When I craved connection, I asked my kids to snuggle me on the couch while we watched Junior Baking Show.
When I craved disconnection from a difficult situation at work that’s been causing a lot of stress, I put my phone on silent.
It doesn’t sound like much. But extending empathy to myself, rather than others, is hard for me. It’s probably hard for most mothers/teachers/women, and many other groups as well. I’m programmed to put others first. I’ll probably never be able to put myself first completely. But I can at least try to be kind to myself.
