Hello everyone! I’m sorry for disappearing for a week. I know you were all wondering, where’s Leanne? Where was her usual Wednesday post? Where was the Friday book review? Or maybe you didn’t notice I was gone. That’s okay too. We all have busy lives, and we occasionally get absorbed in our families, our work, and ourselves, and stop interacting as much with the rest of the world. In fact, that’s what happened to me last week. It’s been happening to me all month. It’s why I was having problems with writing. I had a bunch of things to work through in my head, and they’re taking time to resolve.

Do you ever get completely absorbed in your inner self? Do you get obsessed with an emotion, a thought, an idea? How do you work through it? How did it start in the first place?

For me, this month of introspection started when I realized three things:

1. I had to let my district know whether I was returning to work in the fall.

2. We didn’t yet have childcare figured out for Edwin.

3. I have less than six months left of my maternity leave, and so much more I want to accomplish.

This sort of sent me into panic mode. I began to understand that this life I’ve built for myself, these routines, these daily joys, are going to disappear come September. I already knew this, of course, but it still seemed a long way away in February. Now that it’s March, now that my district is planning for next year, it’s much more imminent. I am going back to work. Edwin is going to daycare. My two years as a SAHM and writer- two years I’ve loved, an unexpected gift- will be over.

It took a few weeks of emotional wrestling, but I’ve managed to find peace about the changes to come. A big part of me is looking forward to going back to teaching. I miss kids, and conducting, and my colleagues. I miss dressing up for work. I’m looking forward to eating lunch and taking breaks by myself if I want. I’m glad that Edwin will be moving on too, meeting new friends and learning to play with them. I’m still a little worried about running a household, parenting and working, but I know millions of parents do it every day with far fewer resources, and my husband and I will be just fine once we work out some of the kinks. (And hopefully instill some useful habits.) I’m trying to focus on the positive outcomes, instead of worrying about the sadness I’ll feel. I’m hoping that if I prepare myself now, I’ll be more ready for the fall. I’m trying to have faith that I’ll be ready to move on, and able to comfort myself with the knowledge that my return to work, and Edwin starting daycare, are the right next steps for both of us.

In the spirit of getting ready, I did let my district know I’d be returning, and we found daycare for Edwin- the same place we were going to bring him initially, actually, when I’d been planning to return to work after four months. That four months became a year, and the year became two, and now here we are. I’m grateful that our original provider still has a spot for him, because I think it’ll be a great place for Edwin to spend his days: educational, fun, just the right size, and close to home and grandparents in case of emergencies.

So I took care of #1 and #2 on my panic list. I’m still working on #3, what I want to accomplish before returning to work. I’m almost ready to stop thinking and start acting. I will say this: I think some big changes are coming for this blog. I’ll be taking it in a new direction, one I’m very excited about. But I need to ruminate a bit more before I make any major announcements.

What was the last major life transition you went through? Did you feel the need to be mentally and emotionally prepared before the fact? If you did, did it help when the transition actually arrived?