A Hundred Days of Mitzvahs

As many of you know, my grandfather, Edwin Dannen, passed away a few weeks ago. Although he was 98, he was so healthy that his death was unexpected, and the shock waves of grief are still pummeling me.

Grandpa Eddie

In the aftermath of a death, I find it helps to assign yourself a specific action that honors the memory of the person you loved. Since my grandfather was Jewish, my mom recommended that we perform a week of mitzvahs.

I wasn’t raised Jewish, so I worry that I’m missing the deeper meaning here, but as far as I understand it, a mitzvah is a good or kind deed, a “conscious act of empathy or kindness” (PJ Library).

Just by happenstance, my family and I had already been exploring kindness and taking note of the kind deeds we experienced throughout the day (it was our monthly theme for September, based on the parenting books I read), so performing mitzvahs was a natural extension. We discussed our mitzvahs each night, and I think it allowed all of us some positive emotions during a difficult time.

When I got to the end of the week, I decided that seven days wasn’t enough to honor my grandfather’s memory. His role in my life warranted more. So I committed to a hundred days of mitzvahs, which will take me just past what would have been his 99th birthday.

What Makes it a Mitzvah?

I’m on day thirteen now. Some of my mitzvahs have been simple—texting a friend who was sick to check in on her, for example—and some have been more complex. I spend a lot of mental energy thinking about the difference between a mitzvah and an ordinary action that can be construed as kindness.

Here’s what I mean: I’m a mom, and a teacher. Both of those are caregiver roles. When I walk an instrument down to a student instead of calling his classroom to pick it up, is that a mitzvah, or is it just my job? When I spend an extra few minutes sitting with my son while he practices piano, is that a mitzvah, or just parenting? I’m not sure where the line is, but I suspect I’ll get closer to understanding it as the hundred days progress.

I’m grateful to my mother for this suggestion. It’s a way to keep my grandfather’s memory alive in a positive, life-affirming way. It’s a way to spread his legacy even further. It’s a balm to my soul as I grieve.

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