10 Things I Can Do Instead of Having More Kids

Last week was my daughter’s second birthday. I’m happy and grateful. I’m proud of all the growth she’s done this year and how many obstacles she’s already overcome.

I’m also a little bit sad. She’s my baby, and now she’s not a baby anymore. 

My husband and I aren’t planning to have more children. I’m done at two: my boy and my girl, and I’m incredibly grateful for them both. I don’t have any desire to have another baby, at least not of the human variety. (“Fur” babies may still apply.) But I’m still sad that those years of our lives are over. I don’t think I’ve ever felt happier or more important in the world until I had those soft little heads snuggled up against my heart.

This isn’t a post about grief. If you want to read more about my struggle with grief, and the ways parents overcome the feeling of living in their children’s pasts, please read this month’s Perspective Post (and sign up for monthly posts if you haven’t done so already). I’m writing this post for myself today, and I don’t want to wallow in the past. I want to be excited for the future.

10 Things I Can Do After My Kids’ Baby Phase

  • Get a dog. I’ve never owned a dog (my mother was allergic, so we didn’t have one growing up; I adopted a rather cantankerous cat when I was 23, and she didn’t mix well with dogs). While taking my daughter for a walk in the stroller this morning, I regretted the fact that she wouldn’t have the patience for such a thing much longer. Then I envisioned myself walking a dog instead, and it made me smile. 
  • Write more. As my children get older, they’ll need less of my time. I’m seeing this with my son already: he can entertain himself and even do his own homework. Older kids need more driving around, but there’s time inherent in driving kids to activities; you have to have something do while you’re waiting, and I might as well write.
  • Share books with my kids. I’ve already told my son that we’re starting Harry Potter on his seventh birthday (less than one year away!). I’m collecting my young-adult favorites for my daughter. I’m instituting “Mommy’s choice” nights once a week so that I can share the stories I believe my children should hear. (Classics; diverse narratives; well-rounded history.)
  • Travel more. We can take a spontaneous car trip without having to pack a travel crib, a stroller, and three packs of diapers. Heck, we can even take a plane! 
  • Nurture my marriage. Kids who are more independent are easier to babysit. We might get to go on date nights more often, or even (gasp!) stay out past 8:00.
  • Stay out all day. Our days are still constrained by nap time. Don’t get me wrong– I love nap time. I love the quieter house and the freedom of parenting only one child instead of two. But it’s often hard to schedule things like playdates, movies or day trips around nap time. I’m looking forward to the flexibility. 
  • Take more exercise classes. I’ve been looking around for something I can do either in the early morning or late evening, but I haven’t had much luck. It’s still hard to find time to take a regular class. My husband and I have an understanding that I can go to a class on Sunday mornings, but there are frequently things that get in the way– a child’s illness, a weekend trip, a poor night’s sleep the night before. Time will open up more when the kids are more independent with getting up and at bedtime.  
  • Get more involved in the community (and maybe even politics). I would love to show my children that their mother is willing to work to make a difference in their community. I’d also love to attend more of the library events, school plays, and concerts that are currently stacked against being home for bedtime. 
  • Go back to school. I’m toying with the idea of a second masters, or a low-residency MFA, or a new certification.
  • Find a community of faith. I’ve been without a house of worship for many long years. I’m seeking something new, but need time to explore all the different options in my area.

I’m looking forward to this next phase of life! What’s your next life phrase, and what are you excited to do with it?

3 thoughts on “10 Things I Can Do Instead of Having More Kids

  1. This is a timely post for me, as I’ve been mulling over how I want to proceed in my next few years. As I age, I need to make a list like this one with the positives of getting older–one of which is not having to worry about having a “surprise” baby!

    My life still needs some tweaking now and then. My husband will likely continue to work full time for a few more years, and while he’s doing that, I feel I should continue to contribute to the family, whether it be by earning money writing or by taking care of many things on the home front so he can do his job more easily. But I’m also feeling the call of a writing project I’ve been putting off too long, and I’m starting to feel “if not now, when?”

  2. Talk about new phases in life. At some point in the near future, I’ll have to email you about my Big Secret Project. 😉

    I love this list, Leanne. And I feel your pain when it comes to finding exercise classes that fit your schedule. My yoga teacher is the only one I know of in my area who does evening classes that aren’t hot yoga and that balance the spiritual with the physical. So when she took the summer off from our Monday evening class to find a new space for us (the studio where she had been renting space closed), my only option was doing it at home using YouTube On Demand. In some ways, I can’t complain about doing yoga for free in the comfort and convenience of my home, but I missed the socialization and feeling of community. Thank goodness my teacher has found a new place, so we’re back in business.

    Also, I love your idea of introducing your son to Harry Potter on his seventh birthday!

    1. I can’t wait to hear about your Big Secret Project, Sara! Whenever you want to share, I’m all ears 🙂

      I admit I haven’t even tried to do much yoga at home. There’s something about a studio workout that I can’t replicate here. I can’t get into that same mindset. I don’t even like taking yoga classes at my gym, because it doesn’t have that spiritual component.

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