If you google “Quotes about happiness,” you’ll find that many of them revolve around the concept of choice. “I am in charge of how I feel and today I’m choosing happiness.” “Happiness is a decision.” “You will be exactly as happy as you decide to be.”

It sounds so simple, doesn’t it? You’re in charge of your mindset; therefore, all you have to do is choose happiness, and it will come to you. That’s it!

Except doesn’t that naive simplicity make you feel… icky? Doesn’t it feel wrong? No one is happy all the time, and if it’s so easy to choose happiness, then it must be our own fault if we’re not. I don’t know about you, but I don’t buy that. Happiness is complicated. It’s not a feeling; it’s a discipline. Yes, you can redirect your thinking and even rewire your brain if you’re determined enough. But circumstances and genetics still account for at least half of your ability to be happy. You can’t control circumstances and genetics; you can only accept them, and do the best you can with the rest.

That doesn’t mean you should give up. It means you should focus on things that truly can be improved by mind over matter. I’m no expert, but I can share two times where I was able to make personal gains by focusing on STRENGTH and FAITH instead of happiness.

As most of you know, when I was in high school, I had cancer. I was raised in a very religious family, and that was what my parents and I turned to when I got sick. I was reminded of this recently when I read through my old high school journals; they were full of faith. Whenever I was faced with a difficult situation, I simply believed my way through it. I kept faith at the center. I chose faith over fear, over and over.

By the time I was a parent myself, that particular religion had stopped working for me, so I needed a different coping mechanism when I learned that my daughter was going to be born with a birth defect in her kidneys. Instead of faith, I turned to strength. I decided that if I kept choosing strength, I could be a pillar for my family and an advocate for my daughter. It was a mantra during the week we were in the hospital for surgery, and I’ve turned to it many times since, during tests and doctor’s appointments and other illnesses. Telling myself I could be strong somehow did make me stronger.

Neither of these concepts completely protected me, of course. There were times that I became afraid and despondent instead of faith-filled, and there were times that my strength cracked and I wound up a puddle of tears on the floor. But in general, I’ve found choosing faith and strength to be much more effective than choosing happiness.

I think it’s because faith and strength are things that you can pull toward yourself. You can reflect on them and fortify yourself with them. Happiness is much more ephemeral. It’s great if you have it, but as Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “Happiness is not a goal; it is a by-product.”

Have you had any success relying on a chosen word, feeling or concept?