I’m a reasonably intelligent person. I have grades, degrees and even an award or two to prove this. But every once in awhile, I do something so stupid as to remind me that while I may be intelligent, I’m also blond.

I’m not very blond. My hair is the color of dark honey with a few threads of gold. I used to highlight it, but it’s now back to my natural color, highlights being too expensive for me while on maternity leave. But it’s still definitely lighter than brown. And I have the occasional dumb spells to prove it.

(I’m aware that this is stereotypical and possibly anti-feminist, since blond jokes are only ever directed at women and not men. But let’s not take that too seriously right now, ok?)

I’m going to make an embarrassing confession here.

I can’t tell the difference between UPS and FedEx.

Okay, yeah, I know they’re two different companies. I know I can’t use them interchangeably. But somehow this fact escapes me when I have to send a package. I can never remember what company Amazon uses and which one Zappos uses. I even sometimes mix up which truck is the brown one. (Yeah, I know. How could someone not know that?)

So last week, I had to return a dress to ModCloth. (Shout-out to ModCloth, awesome retro clothing company!) I gave the package a cursory glance and decided to drop it off at a UPS location on my way home from band camp. I was going to bring it into the store, but they don’t open until 1:30 PM for some reason, so I stuck it in the dropbox. I didn’t think about it again until a few days ago, when I had to return another item of clothing to the same company. As I printed the return label, I looked at it and saw that it said “FedEx or USPS only.”

Not UPS. USPS. (WHY are they only 1 letter apart?) Or FedEx.

I was then faced with the embarrassing task of having to call the UPS store and ask what might have happened to my misdelivered package. There was no listing for the local store, so I called the 1-800 line and listened to the menu of options.

There’s no number to press for “Stupidly Left USPS Package at UPS Dropbox.”

Apparently there aren’t enough idiots like me out there to warrant this.

I decided to go to the store and ask them directly, but before I got the chance to do so, we received the confirmation of return and refund from ModCloth. Some UPS driver must have rolled his eyes, taken pity on poor, stupid Leanne and stuck the package in with the office’s regular postal delivery. Whew.

But even though “all’s well that ends well,” I’m still going to be ducking my head in shame for a few more days.

You know, to hide the blond.