It’s a fact of life: some people will always try to encourage you to take the next step on the ladder of traditional societal norms. When you start dating someone seriously, it’s “So where’s the ring?” When you get engaged, it’s “Set the date!” Once you’re married, it’s “Your biological clock is ticking!” And then you have the baby, and there’s a brief reprieve, and you think maybe, finally, the societal pressure will stop. But wait! One baby isn’t enough. You’re supposed to have two! At least!
Edwin is almost two years old, so I’m guessing I’m due for some “baby #2” pressure. In the past, I’ve never been prepared for these situations, so I’ve decided to arm myself with a little deflective humor.
Here’s how you might respond to… well, for lack of a better term, let’s call them, “Well-Meaning Baby Encouragers” (WMBE).
Well-Meaning Baby Encourager: “Only one kid, so far, huh? Don’t you want more?”
Me: “Actually, my husband and I have signed up for a reality show. It’s called ‘One Kid and Not Counting.’ We’re contractually obligated to stop procreating. But on the bright side, we’ll be almost as famous as the Gosselins!”
WMBE #2: “You’re already in your thirties, right? You better get working on that next kid!”
Me: “Oh, I guess you didn’t know. I’m half-robot. Like the Robin Williams character in that movie, Bicentennial Man? So my life expectancy and my fertile years are both a lot longer than yours. No worries!”
WMBE #3: “Don’t you want your son to have a sibling that’s close in age?”
Me: “Seriously? Why would I want that? I need that kid to babysit! How’s he going to do that if he’s only two years older?”
WMBE #4: “You’re so lucky. I’d love to go back to my child-bearing years. Don’t take them for granted.”
Me: “Umm, do you actually remember child-bearing?”
WMBE #5: “Two is not that much harder than one.”
Me: “Oh, I’m so glad you think so! Would you like to come and raise the second one for free? Because then I’d totally do it.”
WMBE #6: “You and your husband are such awesome people. You’re the type of people who should be having more children.”
Me: “Well, I certainly am flattered. Flattery will get you anywhere- even control of my uterus. But awesomeness takes time and effort, you know! If I spend it on the baby, I can’t spend it on myself. So the global level of awesome might go down- and we can’t have that.”
Humorous deflection is a great tool, because ultimately, the decision whether and when to have a second child (or a first, or get married, or be a homeowner) is completely between you and your partner. Well-Meaning Baby Encouragers should definitely not be involved (unless they’re family members, in which case, you might want to listen a little before you deflect them).
Got another snappy comeback in these situations? Share below!