Fear is a big, mysterious concept. We know it when we feel it, but we find it hard to explain where it comes from. (In that way, fear is a lot like bravery, another indefinable force that I wrote about in a guest post for the Female Yoda.) Fear can often be crippling; it has a major effect on our life choices. Often, fears have no logical reason for being. All of the characteristics of fear only serve to increase the fear itself. Fear is the ultimate reproducible energy.

But even though fear is a big thing, we can often combat it by taking little steps.

For example, my parents must have done a great job teaching me about ‘stranger danger,’ because at 32, I’m still ‘afraid’ of strangers. I’m also afraid of small talk, crowds, and over-stimulation. These fears can be boiled down to two: fear of making mistakes (saying the wrong thing, offending someone or misrepresenting myself) and fear of rejection (having someone react badly to something I’ve done or said- or not done, not said). I don’t feel those fears when I’m talking to someone I know well, or in a familiar environment with a few people, because I know I’ll get another chance to make an impression. (This is also classic introvert behavior.)

In a recent Women’s Health article, researchers outlined steps that can be taken to reduce phobias. One of these was cognitive-behavior therapy, in which repeated exposusre to the phobia, in increasingly large doses, eventually allowed the person to eradicate, or at least control, their fear. (An example of this might be bringing someone afraid of heights to the tops of increasingly higher buildings.) If an intense phobia can be managed this way, surely a simple fear can be decreased using the same process.

So: fear of making a mistake; fear of rejection. How can I take little steps to defeat my big fears? Here are my ideas:

1. Start saying hello to strangers. That’s a quick form of acception-or-rejection; if the person says hello back, you feel validated; if not, you feel rejected. But it’s a rejection that’s easy to move on from. A great time to do this is during my near-daily walks on the Rail Trail. When I pass someone going the other direction, I can smile and say hello. Most people in that situation will respond positively, so my fear of rejection should start to wane in the face of climbing acceptance. (The exercise-induced endorphins probably won’t hurt, either.) And if someone doesn’t respond, they’ll be out of sight in a matter of seconds, minimizing the rejection even further.

2. Practice random acts of humor. If I do make a mistake in conversation, instead of allowing myself to feel embarrassed (which is where the fear is rooted; embarrassment is my absolute most detested emotion) I need to find a way to laugh it off. My husband is great at finding humor, so I can make him my role model. If I get into a situation where I make a conversational mishap, I’ll think, “What would Nick say here?” That will help me get out of the conversation without embarrassment, and also remind me that my husband loves me despite the many mistakes I’ve made over the years.

I’ll probably never be able to conquer these fears entirely, but knowing I’m taking even little steps to lessen the fear’s hold is empowering. Fear may be the ultimate reproducible energy, but it’s not invincible; if we choose to fight it, we will win.