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“When you say no, you are only saying no to one option. When you say yes, you are saying no to every other option.

No is a choice. Yes is a responsibility.”  —James Clear

We’re deep into February, which is about the time I start fantasizing about summer. On our way home from dance class recently, my daughter and I drove past our favorite ice cream stand– still closed for the season– and she asked me which flavor I would pick for our very first ice cream outing this year.

First I said, “Rich Chocolate,” because this particular place makes an excellent dark chocolate flavor. But then I said, “Butter Pecan.” My daughter and I debated it for the next several minutes, and I couldn’t stick to a choice, even though the answer hardly mattered and carried no urgency at all. 

Do you ever find yourself faced with equally good choices, and you can’t seem to decide between them?

It’s easy to decide when one option can be determined as inferior. It’s a lot harder when there are multiple offers on the table and they all look interesting, fun and worthwhile. 

It’s very hard for me to say “No,” to a good idea; my first impulse is to find a way to pursue them all. In that ice cream scenario, I could just ask for two scoops. (Butter pecan AND chocolate, yum.) But while I may be able to eat two scoops of ice cream, I can’t shove multiple projects in the limited time I have, no matter how much I want to. All of the projects will suffer from lack of focus, and I’ll eventually burn out. (I have learned this the hard way. Many times.)

So I’m constantly struggling with this question, and I wonder if you struggle with it, too: 

How do I decide on the best choice when every option seems equally good? 

Do I continue working on my novel, or try to get more flash nonfiction published?
Do I write an article for a music education publication, or submit a conference proposal?
Do I focus on enrichment opportunities for advanced students, or spend that time on extra help for struggling students? 

I’d imagine that most creative people struggle with similar perennial questions. Here’s what I do when I can’t decide:

1. Take time to think. If you can envision multiple paths to pursue, it may take time for your gut to tell you which is the right one. 
2. Talk to an expert. I met with a writing coach to discuss my lack of focus, and she helped me find the right path. (You can also just talk to an expert on YOU– a close friend, a parent, a spouse.)
3. Reframe it as a positive. Remember that saying “no” to one thing means you can say “yes” to the other thing. 

It’s also okay to regret the projects that never come to fruition. It’s important to find a ritual that helps you let those ideas go. Write the idea down on an index card and put it in a box that reads, “Not now.” That way, the idea hasn’t disappeared, but you’re clear about your choice. 

And when you finally achieve the success you’ve dreamed of– whatever that looks like to you– you can honor the great ideas that you had to decline in order to focus on your “Yes.” 

Reflection Question

I’d love to hear from you! What resources do you have for finding your path when faced with multiple opportunities? Leave a comment!

Links

This post by Lisa Cooper Ellison, Writing is a Form of Self-Love, resonated with me. I’ve always thought of Writing as not an activity, but a relationship. 

This post by Laura Vanderkam is a great reminder that we can make time for the things that are the most important to us.