The other night, I was chatting with my mother-in-law in my kitchen while Edwin spooned pureed vegetables into his mouth (or tried to, anyway). I was telling her how much I’d enjoyed interviewing Marie, Laura and Lauren for their cancer stories. One of the questions I’d asked all three of them was how they’d changed since having cancer, in their daily habits, attitudes, and life expectations. (I think what I was really asking about was a change in perspective; fortunately they all seemed to answer it that way, despite my poorly-worded question.) They were all able to point to realizations they had that affected, in ways small and large, how they were moving forward in their lives: learning to lean on others, an emphasis on healthy living, increased faith and daily gratitude, even singing in front of strangers!

My mother-in-law, who blessedly has not had cancer, seemed impressed by their responses; she wasn’t sure she’d be able to pinpoint a definitive change. Her response made me pause. I’ve always said I was grateful for the ways cancer defined me, but how could I possibly know how much of my adult self was a result of the cancer?  When I got cancer, I was only 13. I was barely out of childhood, not even close to forming my adult personality, attitudes and habits. (Or perspective.) I don’t remember what I was like before the cancer. I have memories, of course, most of them happy, but I don’t know what my sense of self was like. I approached my cancer as a kid, and left it as an adult. Therefore, I can’t say, as my interviewees could, how cancer changed me. I suspect it may have shaped me even more than if I’d had it as an adult. But I don’t really know.

I did come up with an answer for my mother-in-law, however, and after thinking about it for a few days, it still rings true to me. I don’t know who I would have been without the cancer. But I do feel the influence of the cancer perspective whenever I contemplate my life or make an important decision. Cancer speaks to me during these times. Cancer points me, keeps me moving forward, helps me choose a path.

Cancer tells me, “Life is short,” so I don’t put off the things I truly want to accomplish: writing my novel, traveling, raising my son.

Cancer tells me, “Show your love,” so I show and tell my family and friends I love them as often as I can.

Cancer tells me, “Don’t save all your joy for later; later might not come,” so even though I save money for the future, I also want to spend it now, on little vacations, dates with my husband, classes I want to take, and small everyday pleasures.

Cancer tells me, “You have the right to be happy now,” so I try to cut things out of my life that cause stress and anxiety, to focus on my personal well-being, and to spend time each day doing what I love.

Cancer tells me, “There are things out there that are bigger than you,” so I believe in God, I believe in the power of love, and I believe in gratitude.

Cancer survivors, what does the post-cancer perspective say to you? If you haven’t had cancer, was there some other defining event in your life that speaks to you?

This post is the last in my cancer series. It’s been incredibly rewarding for me to share my story with you, to have Marie, Laura and Lauren share their stories, and to see how far those stories have travelled. Thank you all for your readership and your support.

Though I’m closing this particular cancer series for now, I’m still interested in hearing cancer stories; I’m planning a future book or e-book centering around the positive impacts of cancer. If you are a cancer fighter or survivor, or know of someone else who might like to share their story either for the blog or the book, please contact me at leannesowul@gmail.com.