This weekend I took my son to his favorite playground for the first time this season. Last spring and summer, when I was a stay-at-home mom, we went frequently, sometimes several times a week. Now that I’m a working mom, it’s much harder to find the time or energy after work, and the weekends are often packed with school events or personal matters. But over Memorial Day weekend, with the extra day off, I was determined to take the time to travel to this special place for my son.
It was a beautiful morning: sunny but not warm, an azure sky with wisps of white clouds. Beyond the playground, a lake rippled peacefully among the reeds. My son’s smile lit my heart as he laughed and played with abandon. As he took his seventeenth trip down the same slide, trusting me to watch and cheer when he got to the bottom, the thought popped into my head: I miss this.
I tried to parse the feeling. Do I miss spending quality time with my son? Of course. I spent two years at home with him, so it naturally felt like a big loss when I returned to work, even through we’re both happy at our respective schools. I also miss the strong connection I had with him back then, and it can be more challenging to maintain that connection now, when I’m often tired and overwhelmed from balancing work and home concerns. I feel glad to have taken the weekend to focus completely on my relationship with my son.
But as I considered it more, I realized it’s not just my son that I miss. I also miss having space in my life for slowed-down moments like the one I had standing by the slide. Actively parenting a young child means that while you’re almost always physically occupied, your mind is often free to wander. Playing peek-a-boo, after all, isn’t the most engaging experience for the adult. That’s why my two years as a full-time mom was the most creative period of my life. My body was tired and often overworked, but my brain was free to think about my characters, blog posts, and new places to find writing work. I needed that time in order to become a real writer who consistently produced solid work.
Now that I’m teaching full-time again, most of my writing energy is going toward maintaining the projects I’ve already scaffolded: the novel re-write, the short stories, the blog. I haven’t started anything new in awhile, partly because I’ve only carved out time for my projects-in-progress, but also partly because I don’t let my brain relax long enough to think up anything new. It’s no surprise that most of my “great ideas” come during vacations and weekends. Those are the only times I slow down enough for an idea to hop on board and show itself to me.
Fortunately, I have plenty of opportunities for slowed-down moments during the upcoming summer vacation. But what of writers who work year-round? How do they give themselves the creative space necessary to germinate ideas? Writers need two kinds of time: the time to sit in a chair and produce words, and the time to let the creative brain do its work.
If you’re a writer, or someone who pursues a creative passion, I’d love to hear your thoughts: how do you find that second, more elusive type of slowed-down time?
